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Dear Bossip: My Husband Is Cheating With A 19-Year Old That He Got A Job Where He Works, Pays Her Rent & She Has An STD

Dear Bossip,

I just found out my husband is cheating on me with another woman. We’ve been married for about a year, but were in a relationship for almost 7 years.

We have two kids together; one being six and the other being four. Before we were married we had a break in our relationship because he wasn’t ready to get married. That caused both of us to live in separate households in two different states. I was in New York while he was in Connecticut working as a Police officer for MTA.

Lately, I’ve been having suspicions that my husband has been having an affair. He began coming home late, but I’ve never thought anything of that because he’s always spending time with his friends watching the game or always traveling with them. But, it became more of problem when he didn’t come home at all for several days. And, when he does come home he has a hickies on his neck, and the clothes he had on the last time I saw him he’s no longer wearing them.

With all this circumstantial evidence I chose not to confront him because I wanted physical evidence. So, one morning he chose to drop off the kids at school and he forgot his phone. So, I took this opportunity to look through his phone. And, what I discovered was the most disgusting, heart wrenching think I could find. They text each other a lot, therefore, I found out a lot about the other woman just through his text messages.

Not only has he been having an affair, but it’s with a younger woman who is only 19 years old. And, may I remind you he’s 41 years old! This affair has been going on since she was 17 years old. She was a high paid escort, but he didn’t want her in that lifestyle anymore so with his connections in MTA he gave her a position as an Administrative Assistant in the central office; making a very good salary.

During our break in our relationship, when we were living in two different households, their relationship began to blossom; until we got married last year, but that didn’t stop him from still smashing this young girl’s cakes to smithereens. I’ve also learned through his text exchange with her that he’s in love with her, and have told her on numerous occasions that he would never have me or another woman come between what they have.

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read this. He pays her rent, gave her a job opportunity, buys her expensive shoes, and also brings her around his work colleagues. While I work and sit home with our two kids and watch another woman enjoy the fruits of our labor? How could he do this to me?

There’s more to the story. When I was reading through his text messages, I read something that made my stomach turn. I also learned that she has genital herpes and he knows about it. He is having sex with her raw, and doesn’t seem to care that he’s passing this infection onto me or my children. This man is so drunk in love with this woman that he chooses to risk his health and marriage for this younger woman.

I’ve lost my husband. He’s no longer interested in me anymore. I am hurt, ashamed, and disgusted. I’ve cried for days because I don’t know what to do. I’ve recently got tested and my test results have come back negative. A part of me wants to stay for the sake of the children, but I realized I may need to file for divorce. I need your help. I’m completely torn. Please help! – Torn Between The Two

Dear Ms. Torn Between The Two,

Ma’am, I know you’re hurt. I know you’re ashamed, disgusted, sad, angry, and disappointed. You have every right to be. Now, it’s time to put that weave up in a bun, put on your hi-top Reeboks and your Juicy valor sweat suit, and get to work!

Find the best divorce lawyer in Connecticut, and get the paperwork ready. I need for you to start stacking the bank accounts, and the next time your husband leaves and doesn’t return, then you pack all of his things, have a mover come and pick them up and deliver them to his job! You get a copy of all the text messages he and his side chick have been sending to each other, and you keep a copy for your divorce proceedings, and you send copies to his family and friends.

There is nothing to salvage in this marriage, and there is no need to stay with a man for the sake of your children when he is out banging another woman, and building a household with her. You read the text message where he said you or no woman will come between he and her. Sweetie, he said YOU or NO WOMAN will come between what he and his hussy side chick have together. YOU! Meaning YOU, his wife! You are a non-motherfreaking factor! You are nothing. You mean nothing. He puts her before you, and takes better care of her than he does of you and his children.

Hell, he has set her up to be his woman, while he has you at home being his wife. No ma’am. No the hell he won’t! Ma’am, think about it: He got a high paid escort, which he was probably paying for as well, and because he got sprung he wanted to have her for himself. He got her a job so should would quit prostituting, which is where and how she probably got the genital herpes. But, hold up, he got her a job at his own place of employment. WOW! WOW! WOW!

Then, he pays her rent, buys her things, and parades her around his colleagues. ANNNNNNNNNNNNNND, he spends several nights away from home, and comes in with hickies on his neck, and wearing different clothes than when he left!?! So, he is just flaunting it in your face, and you are over there talking about you need physical evidence?!?! Girl, slap yourself. I can’t with you today. Some of you just insist on being stuck on stupid. There is no d**k, no man, no nothing that should make you that damn stuck and you can’t figure out what to do, or how to move, and where to begin.

He wants to play, and flaunt it, and throw it in your face. Then, you play, and you be better at the game! HELLO! Stop acting like this damsel in distress and you want to save your marriage. He has another woman he is taking care, and he is willing to risk his life and health to have unprotected sex with her despite her genital herpes. Yeah, he’s a dumba** f**k.

Hell, you should report him to the state for having started a relationship with a 17-yeard old. That is statutory rape in most states. So, if she was under age, and he was having a relationship with her, then report him. He’s a public civic service employee, which means he works for the state, so you report him to the very state he collects a check!

Girl, you already know the answers, and you already know what to do, so please do not try to justify his behavior and what he has done for the sake of your children. He is low-down, dirty, and trifling. He is sleeping with someone who could be his daughter! He’s nasty, and a scumbag. He’s having raw sex with her and she has genital herpes. I would go to the pharmacy and purchase some ointment and cream, and leave it on the counter for the next time he came home. Just leave it sitting there.

But, I want to know why did you marry this man anyway when he didn’t want to get married from the beginning? I understand you’ve been with him for several years, and you have children with him, but if he was reluctant to get married, then you should have taken that as a sign, an instinct that something wasn’t right. And, lo and behold, he was cheating while he was with you. It didn’t happen when you took your break from each other. He was sleeping with her before your break, and it was during that time they became official.

You can ask him why he is doing this. You can ask him why did he marry you and continue a relationship with her. You can ask him what is he getting from her that he is not getting from home. You can ask him what he finds in her that he doesn’t get from you. You can ask him if he thought of how this may hurt you, your family, his kids, and tear his family apart. You can ask him if he considered the health risks he put himself in, and, then coming home to you and putting you at the same health risks? Honey, you can ask a million and one questions, with a hopeful resolve to get answers, insights, and closure to his behavior, and his actions. However, what is a fact is that it has been going on for a while, he’s in love with her, he’s reckless, he has damaged his marriage, he’s violated your trust and your wedding vows, and he doesn’t care what this is doing to you emotionally and mentally. Therefore, do what’s best for you and your children, and take him for everything he has! – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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