Hers, Mine & Ours: Is Man Sharing the Better Alternative to Being Alone?
They say that there are two women for every man in the world, but for some, that’s more than a statistic, it’s a way of life. On the surface it looks like the makings of just about every straight man’s wet dream– two (or more) girls, one guy…. But what’s the draw for the women involved in these relationships where they’re knowingly sharing their man with someone else? Is having half of a man really better than having no man at all?
As someone who’s never been very good at sharing, initially the entire concept was hard for me to even grasp. Yes, I’m newly single, and yes, the number of eligible bachelors (that I’m actually interested in) seems to be dropping by the second. But knowing that the mere thought of a guy going behind my back and cheating on me would likely land me on an episode of “Snapped,” why would I allow myself to get caught up with someone who didn’t feel that I was enough for him?
A more progressive (and apparently less violent) friend of mine, who’s done the whole “open” thing, explained, “In an open relationship, everything is all out on the table. There’s no ‘going behind the back.’ Nothing is off limits as long as your partner knows about it and is okay with it.” And of course, it’s not just about the sex. According to her, the “openness” of the relationship created a deeper level of trust between she and her partner, which then helped them develop a stronger bond. He knew that if she was okay with him being with another woman, then there wasn’t anything on this earth that she wouldn’t do for him, and he loved her for that. And she — well, she knew that he’d do just about anything on this earth for her — except give up the other woman.
She was okay with that though, because with three active kids and a very demanding high-powered, full-time job, she didn’t have too much time for a “regular” relationship; or to search for something better, which she sometimes convinced herself that she should do. It wasn’t what she would’ve preferred, but she knew she didn’t want to be alone, and for the time, it worked. It was just the three of them.
It wasn’t until he stopped seeing someone else “exclusively” that things fell apart. Why? Because she had a hard time trusting him.
She hasn’t been in an open relationship since, but it’s not something that she’s dead set against. And after reading through countless dating profiles of men adamant about maintaining an open relationship, I’m starting to wonder if it’s something that I shouldn’t rule out either.
For so long society has associated polygamy, plural or open relationships, and man sharing with white people living out in dark, forgotten corners of the country, but more and more people (yes, people of color) have adopted this alternative lifestyle as their norm; raising children under one roof and giving new meaning to the phrase “blended family.”
Is it for everyone? No. It’s not even legal in most places. For some women though, half a man (or a third, or a quarter) is just enough to make them feel whole.
Okay mamas…. Would you willingly enter into a “plural relationship”? What if your man approached you about adding another woman to the mix; not just your sex life– your relationship? Would you be open to sharing him or would you rather be single? Tell us what you think about man sharing!
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